It has been a long while since I have posted a new blog here, not that I haven't been sharing my thoughts and musings....I just haven't been sharing with everyone. Which brings me to a moment of clarity that I have just experienced.
Recently I have been questioning what it is I want to do in life, where I want to be career wise, what is my purpose in life ..... how do I change what I am doing ( Oncology Nurse) and still earn good money, be valued for what I do and contribute to society !!!! You know, the minor details in life. You get the picture. Do they call this a mid life crisis ?? Maybe I should go and buy a motor bike or go and trek the Himalayas !!!!
Anyway I have been reading books, have signed up for a wonderful self development course (I'll add some links to these if anyone is interested at the end) and my boss gave me a couple of days to take time out to contemplate my life (aka sort my shit out !!) Actually she didn't say that...Thats what I said to me.
Okay so what has been my moment of clarity or epiphany you ask ? I was watching a video on Facebook as you do...it was 3 women who I admire greatly Kim Morrison, Carren Smith and Cyndi O Meara (Up For A Chat podcasters) at the Wellness Summit last year, and they were sending a message of love to a boy and his family who were going through a tough time. Now it wasn't the message and video itself that had me reduced to a blubbering heap, but the way in which it was delivered. It was pure unconditional, unsolicited love and caring and kindness. Together with this thought and a few others that have popped into my head this week I realised something about myself...
The reason why I felt I have needed some "time out" at the moment is because I have been telling myself, I am tired, burnt out, need a change, not passionate about my work....let's see, any other negative chatter I can throw in there ??!! I do believe that I am a good, kind person, I like caring for people and know I have a lot to offer. But in that one moment of clarity I became aware that I AM NOT SHARING !!! Well to be more specific I am being choosy about who I share with, I have been wallowing in a little pool of self pity in the guise of "I don't know what to do with my life " and only giving out my love when I think I have enough to go around. I have also been using a private Facebook page I belong to for sharing some of my thoughts and musings, I call it my emotional Dropbox. Which is all well and good, but maybe what I have to share and write about might be of benefit to someone else...or not...but that doesn't really matter.
If I look back at why I wanted to start this blog it was to write and share the good and bad, the ups and downs.
The title of Let Them Eat Cake came to me when I thought of it this way.
What if there was the most beautiful bakery with an array of amazing, tasty, gorgeous cakes. The baker loved learning about and creating cakes so amazing that he was sure everyone would love them. Yet even though the baker loved to share his goodies, he only gave them to the people he felt would appreciate them, he chose who got them because he knew he would get positive feedback. His ego was standing in the way of many, many others tasting his delights. He didn't want to put himself in the position where somebody might reject his wares. So instead of going about the business of creating what he loved he became more focused on what other peoples responses were. Firstly it probably doesn't make good business sense to limit your customers, but imagine how many more people may fall in love with his incredible cakes if he flung the doors wide open despite that fact that some people may not like cake.
Recently in the media there have been a lot of knockers and critics of people who put themselves out there, who are brave enough to open the doors to their knowledge ( Pete Evans, Gary Fettke come to mind). Now whether what they put forward is right or wrong doesn't matter, it is the fact that they are willing to put their own truth forward...they offer their cake for all to try. (Ok so it would be paleo, sugar free cakes in their case !!) They back themselves knowing that many others won't agree with them.
So I am going to open my blog doors wide, they may be a little heavy and squeaky at first but who knows what i might have to offer if I try ? So please enjoy what I offer...or don't...that's ok too.
Also, you know the unconditional love and kindness thing ? Well I am sure my family and patients/work colleagues would appreciate that too...no they don't have to appreciate, I'll give it to them anyway !!
By the way I can actually make pretty awsome cakes....:)
See you soon.
Books I have been reading by Brian Weiss
Self development program I am studying is Carren Smith's Effortless Self